"We all make many mistakes." (James 3:2, NLT) One of the least fun aspects of being human is how often we get things wrong. We mess up both in comparatively small ways and in enormous ways. As Alexander Pope said, "To err is human." Often, when we get it wrong, sin is involved. We can hurt those closest to us, fail to live up to standards we set for ourselves, and bring reproach on the name of Christ. But what we do in the moments after getting it wrong unveils something about our character. While this is primarily written for men, the biblical principles apply in most situations. 1. Admit it.When God created the universe, He gave mankind, not ten commandments, but just one command. God had given Adam and Eve every imaginable tree for them to enjoy. He just wanted them not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil . . . . which is exactly what they did. God confronted them with their disobedience, and interestingly, they could not find it within themselves to own their sin, to accept personal responsibility for what they had done. Adam blamed Eve, and she blamed the serpent. (Disobedience to God brought the first marital conflicts into the world.) God already had the receipts. He already knew what they had done. As a matter of personal integrity, when you get it wrong, your first duty is to own it, to admit it. 2. Ask for forgiveness.🙏 Start by talking to God about it. Confession is agreeing with God that what you did was wrong. "If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness" (1 John 1:9, NLT). Once you are forgiven by God, you need not carry the weight of guilt any further. God forgives you. You can forgive yourself. Getting forgiveness from others will be less certain. If this misstep is a one-off, highly out of character for you, or if you seek forgiveness immediately rather than days and weeks after the fact, your loved ones may be more willing to offer forgiveness. If this most recent wrongdoing reflects a pattern, those affected will be more hesitant to forgive. The cold reality is that you may never receive forgiveness from some. You cannot insist that they forgive you and preach Bible passages that instruct the faithful to forgive. You are not on that high road. All you can do is ask from a genuine heart, and then back up your request with transformation. 3. Adopt a plan for change.🛣 As you design a strategy for change, know that this process is deeper than empty promises, "it won't happen again" or "I'm different now." Outline specific steps you are going to take to deter yourself from falling off that cliff again. Who are the bad influences you are cutting out? Where are the unhelpful places you are no longer going to frequent? What positive activities are you going to add to your routine to take the place of the negative ones you are abandoning? How will you know if you have been successful? Remember, a plan like this is only as strong as the accountability structures that enforce it (see #4). 4. Acquire accountability.If you have people in your life who have your best interest at heart, people whose motives are pure and who will be honest with you, you are a blessed man. As God said in Genesis 2:18 (KJV), "It is not good that the man should be alone." Find spiritual leaders and trusted friends with whom you can be transparent in a safe space. If you are married, your spouse can provide accountability on one level, but you need additional layers to it. If you have no accountability in your life, start today to acquire at least some, and then build from there. 5. Award your progress.Celebrate your wins. If you defeated a temptation, (if appropriate) tell someone about it and thank God for giving you victory in that moment. You may want to take up the practice of journaling. Reading back through your history of victories will encourage you in future tough times. God will reward your obedience in eternity. It is tougher to break bad habits and patterns than to make them, so treat yourself as you achieve your benchmarks toward your goal. Becoming active in a good local church is an essential part of success in the Christian life. Journeying through this life without likeminded believers cheering you on makes things unnecessarily difficult, if not impossible. You can find the resources, friendship, and accountability you need to achieve meaningful change through partnership with a local, Christ-loving, Bible-teaching church. Billy Shaw (MDIV, MBA) is the pastor of Town Creek Baptist Church in Leland, NC. His most recent book There Is Always Hope continues to encourage readers to overcome guilt, doubt, and despair. He is available as a seminar speaker and consultant to Christian ministries, churches, and church groups.
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🍁Fall has become the most popular time of year for weddings. Over 40% of couples walk the aisle from September to November. In the US, one out of five weddings takes place in October. (Source: TheKnot.com) As the first day of fall approaches, it is peak season to look to Scripture for marital guidance. Here are five must dos for couples about to say "I do" along with couples who say "I still do." 1. Leave and Cleave.🏡A significant number of marital conflicts spring from getting this biblical principle wrong. Genesis Chapter 2 tells the account of how God the Father presented the first groom (Adam) with his bride (Eve) and performed the first marriage ceremony. Jesus Himself cited these words from Genesis 2:24, when asked about marriage in Matthew 19:4-5, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they two shall be one flesh?" Failing to Leave: When one or both spouses fails to "leave" their father and mother, they compromise their ability to establish the new family unit. In-laws can interfere. And God's design for that family is disrupted. God still wants you to honor your father and your mother (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:2) as you give priority to your marriage. At times, you will deal with a tension between leaving and honoring. This tension can be stoked by your parents and your in-laws. God will give you grace (1 Peter 5:5) and wisdom (James 1:5) as you remain committed to his plan. Failing to Cleave: When a couple fails to "cleave," this failure leads to feelings of being rejected unwanted lonely and unappreciated. When you walk the aisle, you commit to having eyes for that one and that one only, and your God-given desires for intimacy find fulfillment only in that spouse. 2. Build Your Home on Christ's Teachings.🛠 "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (Psalm 127:1, ESV). This ominous warning sets forth that building a house without the Lord is a waste of time. You have a clear choice. Building your life on popular wisdom and social norms (and anything besides Christ's teachings) is the equivalent of skipping the foundation and just setting your house up on sand. The same storms will beat against your home as every other home, but your home will fall apart. If you want your family to stay together, build your home on Christ's teachings. Yes, the storms will come, but your home will survive. How can I be so sure? Christ addressed infidelity (Matt. 5:28), managing your finances (Luke 6:38 and Matt. 6:24), open transparency and honesty (Matt. 5:37), and parenting (Matt. 7:11). These are the most popular drivers of relationship difficulties. 3. Know that Your Spouse Is Not Perfect.There is an expression, "the honeymoon is over." This sad expression refers to a couple's discovery that their partner is flawed. They are past the infatuation stage. Marriage is a lifelong marathon, not a 40-yard dash. You have to find your rhythm and settle in for the long haul to do it God's way. Here's the thing. "Everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard" (Rom 3:23, NLT). Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" This person to whom you have pledged the rest of your life is fallen just like you. You will both sin, and your sin will affect each other. You will disappoint one another. You will not meet each other's expectations. It's amazing the toll that Adam and Eve's sin took on their marriage. It led to finger pointing, the blame game, and modern couples do the exact same thing. We have to own our sin, confess it, and receive forgiveness. And we have to forgive one another as Christ has forgiven us (Eph. 4:32) and to bear with one another in love (Eph. 4:2). My prayer for your marriage is that, just as this verse is true of your salvation, it will be true of your marriage: "But as people sinned . . . God’s wonderful grace became more abundant" (Rom. 5:20, NLT). May the light of grace never go out in your home. 4. Love Like Crazy.❤ Show your spouse agape love. That is the New Testament Greek word for the kind of love God has for us. Though essential, physical attraction cannot be the only basis for the marital bond. A marriage built solely on eros love (from which we get our word "erotic") and even philia love (companionship) is in trouble. The deepest love is agape love. It is the love of God showed us when he sent his Son Jesus to be the sacrifice for our sins. It is a self-sacrificing love and unconditional love that seeks nothing in return. Although there is back and forth in marriage, marriage vows are rooted in covenanted permanence and not transactional love. the Bible tells us to look to the love Jesus poured out for his bride as a model (Eph. 5:25). 5. Commit "Until Death Do Us Part."A Christian couple should enter into marriage from the perspective that divorce is not an option. They are going to work out their differences with God's help, and they will offer and receive forgiveness as God has forgiven them (Eph. 4:32). Generally speaking, people in our day make promises more casually than they did when the Bible was written. In Bible times, breaking a vow, for example - to love your spouse 'till death do us part' - could have cost you your life. Take your decision to enter into a marriage covenant extremely seriously. Tread cautiously with prayer. And once you commit yourselves to each other, “Lock the door behind you and throw away the key.” That's a great lyric, and I leave you with the full song, "Love Is Not a Fight." My wife Ashley and I had it sung at our wedding twelve years ago. 🎁 Every child loves gifts. When we teach our kids proper manners, they learn to say "thank you." These fundamentals along with a few others, can form a surprisingly solid foundation for their future understanding of giving to God. 1: Emphasize God's Generosity toward Us.Verses like Luke 6:38, Romans 8:32 and James 1:17 are great places to start. Encourage your child to memorize these verses. (There are some fun games you can play to help them memorize Bible verses.) 1 John 4:19 says, "We love Him because He first loved us." Since giving is an expression of love, you could apply this verse to generosity. We give to Him, because He first gave to us. God has withheld nothing good from us. As early as Creation (Genesis 1:29), we see our generous God blessing mankind and providing for our every need. If we understand what we can about God's loving generosity toward us, how can we respond to His generosity with anything but open hearts? 2: Treat Giving to God as a Normal Part of Life.Treat stinginess and greed as weird and cheerful generosity as normal. Turn the world values upside down. When your kids see your own commitment to giving to God, they will follow your example. "Do as I say, not as I do," won't work here. You can get to a place where it's not even a question whether we will give to God. Of course we will give. We will give at least 10% and pray about giving more. This can become as normal to your children as breathing, bathing, brushing their teeth, and putting their clothes on. As diligently as you teach them these basics, teach them the fundamental discipline of giving to God. 3: When They Receive Money, Guide Them to Return a Portion to God.🎈Kids love receiving birthday money, Christmas money, and allowances. They may even operate a lemonade stand, conduct a yard sale, start a business, become a YouTube influencer, or find a $5 bill in the sofa. Any time your kids come into money of any amount you have an opportunity to teach them the value of returning a portion of what they have received to God. You can teach them that everything good we have is a gift from God (James 1:17). You are able to provide for them, because God has given resources to you as their parent. It's all God's anyway. We are stewards of what He has entrusted to us. Whether He entrusts $1 or $1,000 to your children, you can teach them to return a portion to God. 4: Connect Their Giving to Prayer.Jesus Himself said, "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be" (Matthew 6:21 and Luke 12:34, NLT). There is also a principle that we move toward the things we pray for most intently. If you pray with your kids for the success of the Lord's work, your heart will move toward the success of the Lord's work. As a result, your kids will develop a heart for giving to God. When I was a kid, my parents helped me put together a notebook with prayer cards for the different missionaries that visited our church. One family in particular was ministering in Canada, and they came to our church to cast vision for their mission field and to request our help in purchasing a large van for the ministry. We prayed for them to be able to get this van. With all this praying, as a kid, I felt led to give. I contributed a quarter to the cause. 🚐 The missionaries raised the funds to purchase their van. I got my picture made with the missionary in front of the new van. Our church taught that no matter the size of the gift I gave, I had a share in the Kingdom fruit that this family was able to bear through the use of this van. And I believe that with all my heart. 5: Reward Them for Giving.My son and I recently attended a men's prayer breakfast at our church. At the end of the buffet line of this monthly breakfast, there is typically a donation basket for us guys to toss a few bucks in to help cover the cost of the meal. As my son and I were leaving our house to go to the breakfast, I had him get some money out of his toy bank to donate toward the cost of his breakfast. I explained, "You cannot out-give God. God always blesses you for what you give to Him." (My plan was to give him money the next day in his bank to teach this principle.) When we got to the breakfast, my boy pulled out his money and put it in the basket. The guys who cooked that morning said, "It's free today! No donations accepted." The guy who sponsored the food did not want to be repaid. They had my son take his money back. Right then, I took the opportunity to teach him that God had just rewarded his generosity by giving his money back. There's nothing wrong with you giving their money back or doubling their money to teach the principle. God can use you to reward their giving. I've also heard hundreds of testimonies of how God rewarded people for their generosity. It's a tried and true principle. In fact, God urges us to put Him to the test in this area in Malachi 3:10. Using these five tips, you can set your children up for a lifetime of God's blessing as they continue being faithful stewards of everything God entrusts to them. Billy Shaw is the Lead Pastor of Town Creek Baptist Church in Leland, NC. With an MDIV from Southeastern Seminary and an MBA (Finance) from the Regent University School of Business and Leadership, Pastor Billy enjoys helping churches achieve financial health through biblical and practical insights. He is available to local churches as a keynote speaker and consultant.
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