Five Marriage Must-Dos

🍁Fall has become the most popular time of year for weddings. Over 40% of couples walk the aisle from September to November. In the US, one out of five weddings takes place in October. (Source: TheKnot.com) As the first day of fall approaches, it is peak season to look to Scripture for marital guidance. Here are five must dos for couples about to say "I do" along with couples who say "I still do."

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1. Leave and Cleave.

🏡A significant number of marital conflicts spring from getting this biblical principle wrong. Genesis Chapter 2 tells the account of how God the Father presented the first groom (Adam) with his bride (Eve) and performed the first marriage ceremony. Jesus Himself cited these words from Genesis 2:24, when asked about marriage in Matthew 19:4-5, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they two shall be one flesh?"

Failing to Leave: When one or both spouses fails to "leave" their father and mother, they compromise their ability to establish the new family unit. In-laws can interfere. And God's design for that family is disrupted.

God still wants you to honor your father and your mother (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:2) as you give priority to your marriage. At times, you will deal with a tension between leaving and honoring. This tension can be stoked by your parents and your in-laws. God will give you grace (1 Peter 5:5) and wisdom (James 1:5) as you remain committed to his plan.

Failing to Cleave: When a couple fails to "cleave," this failure leads to feelings of being rejected unwanted lonely and unappreciated. When you walk the aisle, you commit to having eyes for that one and that one only, and your God-given desires for intimacy find fulfillment only in that spouse.

2. Build Your Home on Christ's Teachings.

🛠 "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (Psalm 127:1, ESV). This ominous warning sets forth that building a house without the Lord is a waste of time. 

You have a clear choice. Building your life on popular wisdom and social norms (and anything besides Christ's teachings) is the equivalent of skipping the foundation and just setting your house up on sand. The same storms will beat against your home as every other home, but your home will fall apart.

If you want your family to stay together, build your home on Christ's teachings. Yes, the storms will come, but your home will survive.
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How can I be so sure? Christ addressed infidelity (Matt. 5:28), managing your finances (Luke 6:38 and Matt. 6:24), open transparency and honesty (Matt. 5:37), and parenting (Matt. 7:11).  These are the most popular drivers of relationship difficulties.

3. Know that Your Spouse Is Not Perfect.

There is an expression, "the honeymoon is over." This sad expression refers to a couple's discovery that their partner is flawed. They are past the infatuation stage. Marriage is a lifelong marathon, not a 40-yard dash. You have to find your rhythm and settle in for the long haul to do it God's way.

Here's the thing. "Everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard" (Rom 3:23, NLT). Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,  and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?"

This person to whom you have pledged the rest of your life is fallen just like you. You will both sin, and your sin will affect each other. You will disappoint one another. You will not meet each other's expectations. 

It's amazing the toll that Adam and Eve's sin took on their marriage. It led to finger pointing, the blame game, and modern couples do the exact same thing. We have to own our sin, confess it, and receive forgiveness. And we have to forgive one another as Christ has forgiven us (Eph. 4:32) and to bear with one another in love (Eph. 4:2). 
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My prayer for your marriage is that, just as this verse is true of your salvation, it will be true of your marriage: "But as people sinned . . . God’s wonderful grace became more abundant" (Rom. 5:20, NLT).
May the light of grace never go out in your home.

4. Love Like Crazy.

❤ Show your spouse agape love. That is the New Testament Greek word for the kind of love God has for us. 

Though essential,  physical attraction cannot be the only basis for the marital bond.  A marriage built solely on eros love (from which we get our word "erotic") and even philia love (companionship) is in trouble.
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The deepest love is agape love. It is the love of God showed us when he sent his Son Jesus to be the sacrifice for our sins. It is a self-sacrificing love and unconditional love that seeks nothing in return. Although there is back and forth in marriage, marriage vows are rooted in covenanted permanence and not transactional love. the Bible tells us to look to the love Jesus poured out for his bride as a model (Eph. 5:25).

5. Commit "Until Death Do Us Part."

A Christian couple should enter into marriage from the perspective that divorce is not an option. They are going to work out their differences with God's help, and they will offer and receive forgiveness as God has forgiven them (Eph. 4:32).

Generally speaking, people in our day make promises more casually than they did when the Bible was written. In Bible times, breaking a vow, for example - to love your spouse 'till death do us part' - could have cost you your life.
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Take your decision to enter into a marriage covenant extremely seriously. Tread cautiously with prayer. And once you commit yourselves to each other, “Lock the door behind you and throw away the key.” That's a great lyric, and I leave you with the full song, "Love Is Not a Fight." My wife Ashley and I had it sung at our wedding twelve years ago.