An Unfortunate Trend & What to Do About It

Meet Rosa.  Rosa loves Jesus and her church.  God has blessed Rosa financially, and in turn, she blesses her church through generous and regular giving.  Rosa is nearing the end of life, and as her health declines, her need for skilled care will increase - and with it, her need for pastoral care.  Rosa also loves her family, those who will inherit whatever she leaves behind.  Unfortunately, Rosa's heirs do not share her love for her church, perhaps not even her love for Jesus.  They perceive that they would benefit financially if Rosa would discontinue her financial support of her church.
While this is a fictitious scenario, the trend it describes is very real and more common than you might expect.  If you pastor aging people in your congregation, you will bump into this trend at some point.  You are likely to encounter this trend if:

• The heirs do not profess faith in Christ.
• The heirs are not actively involved in a local church.
  
• The heirs have personal financial woes - perhaps an above average number of them.
  
• The church member's cognitive abilities are slipping or impaired.
  
• The heirs take over the member's finances, checkbook
  

The most common sign of this trend takes the form of frustration expressed (by member or heirs) over the level of pastoral care the member receives during times of illness and hospitalization.  The direction of these complaints is that the pastor and church do not love the member as much as they should love someone who has given all this money.  The money will stop because of this unconcern. The key here, though, is that the church and pastor will have ministered genuinely and frequently to the member; the complaint is technically invalid.  I have had to take a selfie when visiting a church member, because the family said I lied about visiting the person.  The person was too cognitively impaired to recall the visit.  
Clearly you cannot simply confront the family on the matter, but here are some actions you may be able to take:

• Assure the member (as you do all your members) that they are loved, valued, and cared for.  Do this through personal contact at church, cards in the mail, phone calls, and live visits as often as practical.
  
• Let the member (and all your givers) know that the church appreciates their generosity.  Tell them how God is using their support to grow His kingdom.  Help them connect their giving to the bottom line of Great Commission ministry.  "We could not do this without you" is the tone of this messaging.
  
• Get to know the family.  Meet their needs too as possible.  Ministry to caretakers is a wonderful effort.  You cannot prevent bad apples from being bad apples, but if they see your genuineness, it will keep them a good apple for longer.
  
• Host a seminar on estate tithing.  The NC Baptist Foundation will come to a NC Baptist church and walk your people through ways they can put your church into their estate plan.  
  
• Give the situation to God through prayer.  Even if your church's success or failure does not hinge on this person's tithe, it is like the Apostle Paul said to the church at Philippi, "[It is] not because I desire a gift; but I desire fruit that may abound to your account."

Get in touch with me if you have encountered this trend or similar trends.  I'd love to hear strategies for how you handled them or responded to them.  A pastor can feel helpless when people complain that he doesn't minister properly to them, when he knows that he does - the heirs just want to justify retaining the tithe into their inheritance.  Let me pray with you about the work God has you doing for His glory.

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